Soldier Tzu's The Art Of Fortress
by KingdomOfThomond
Summary: We know that Soldier quotes Sun Tzu rather badly, and this is what he would put if he had written The Art Of War. It covers everything, from following orders to the employment of Spy.
1. Following Orders

THE ART OF FORTRESS BY SOLDIER TZU

CHAPTER 1. FOLLOWING ORDERS

1. Soldier Tzu said: The art of war is of importance to the State, maggot.

2. It is a matter of life and death, a road either to victory or to defeat. It is therefore a subject of inquiry which can not be neglected.

3. The art of war is governed by seven things.

4. These are: (1) The Moral Law; (2) Maggots; (3) Heaven; (4) Earth; (5) Rockets; (6) The Commander; (7) Method and discipline.

5,6. The MORAL LAW causes the people to be in complete accord with me, so that they will follow me regardless of their lives, undismayed by any danger.

7. You are a MAGGOT.

8. HEAVEN is night and day, cold and heat, times and seasons.

9. EARTH includes distances, great and small; danger and security; open ground and narrow passes; the chances of life and me beating you up for losing.

10. I fire ROCKETS at maggot scum.

11. The COMMANDER stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerity, benevolence, courage and strictness. It is also ME!

12. By METHOD AND DISCIPLINE are to be understood the marshalling of you in your pathetic subdivisions, my graduations of rank, the maintenance of weapons by which you can fight, and my control of you.

13. These seven things should be familiar to every maggot: he who knows them will be victorious under me; he who knows them not will fail me.

14. Therefore when seeking to determine the military conditions, let them be a basis of comparison, in this way:

15. (1) Am I imbued with the Moral law? (2) How able am I? (3) With whom lie the advantages derived from Heaven, Rocket, and Earth? (4) On this team, is discipline being rigorously enforced? (5) Which of my arms is stronger? (6) On which side are maggots more highly trained? (7) In which team is there the greater constancy both in reward and punishment?

16. By means of these seven considerations I force you to victory.

17. The men that listens to me and acts upon my orders will conquer: do not fail me! The men that doesn't listen to my orders nor acts upon them will be eaten by Communists: let such a one have this fate!

18. While listening to my orders, work harder!

19. According as circumstances that are favourable, one should eat more ribs.

20. All warfare is based on me kicking your sorry ass to the front lines.

21. When able to attack, we must seem unable; when using you, we must seem inactive; when you are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, you must make him believe we are near.

22. Hold out baits to entice communists. Feign disorder, and crush them.

21. If he has secured all the points, you have failed me. If he is in superior strength, fire rockets at him.

22. If your opponent is of drunk Scottish origin, seek to steal his scrumpy. Taunt often, so he may grow angry.

23. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate him from baseball.

24. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected and stop him sniping us.

25. The military devices of the Toymaker, leading to victory, can not be built before exiting re-spawn.

26. The men who win battles makes follow those instructions. The men who lose battles did not follow the instructions. Therefore, obeying my commands leads to victory, and not obeying to defeat: how much more no following at all! It is by attention to my commands that I can foresee that we will win.


	2. Waging War

CHAPTER 2. WAGING WAR

1. Soldier Tzu said: In the operations of war, where there are in the field is Scouts, as many Heavy Weapons Guy, and me commanding, with provisions enough to carry them across Mann's land, the expenditure we create, including entertainment of Scout's ma, small items such as knives and bottles, and sums spent on Sasha and Shovel, will reach the total of a thousand kills per day. Such is the cost of fighting our army of nine men.

2. When we engage in actual fighting, if victory is long in coming, then the weapons of the weak maggot scum of our enemies will grow dull and their souls will be torn out by me. If we lay siege to their base, we will exhaust our strength.

3. Again, if our righteous campaign is too long, I will not keep up with flogging the slackers.

4. Now, when their weapons are dulled, their ardor damped, their strength exhausted and their treasure spent, we will spring up to take advantage of their weakness. Then they will not be able to stop their humiliating defeat.

5. Thus, though we have heard of stupid haste in war, you must not pretend that we are clever by prolonging an attack.

6. There is no instance of our team having benefited from prolonged warfare.

7. I am the only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils and spoils of war, and can thoroughly understand the profitable way of carrying it on, although lowly maggot scum like you cannot!

8. We shall not raise a second levy, nor have two maggots on a teleporter.

9. Bring war material with you from spawn, but forage on the enemy. Thus we shall have the required munitions to continue.

10. Being stunned stops us fighting. Continuing to fight when stunned causes the war to end prematurely with our defeat.

11. On the other hand, the proximity of the stunning enemy causes the length of the stun to decrease; and short stun times causes the stun being ineffective, and you can destroy that lowly maggot.

12. When the stun has ended, you are able to fight, and I expect you to do so!.

13,14. With this loss of stun and a buff from me, their bones will be stripped bare, and rayguns will dissipated; while the Toymakers wrench their broken teleporters, worn-out sentries, and damaged dispencers, will amount to most of their metal supplies.

15. Hence you shall make a point of foraging on the enemy. One dropped enemy weapon is equivalent to twenty of you own, as you should not be weak and re-spawn or visit a resupply locker.

16. Now in order to kill our enemy, the maggot, you must be roused with buffs and ubers; that there may be advantage from destroying maggots, and you get rewards and results.

17. Therefore in destroying teleporters, do not stand on or too close or else be telefragged. The flags of the enemy must be taken while ours must not be. Take no captives; slaughter the enemies when they pick up our intelligence/

18. Use this to help capture the enemy briefcase.

19. With TF Industries, our great objective is victory, not lengthy campaigns or defeat.

20. Thus it may be known that I am your leader and the arbiter of our opponents' fate, I am the man on whom it depends whether we humiliate or are humiliated.

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**A/N** Sorry if this seems a bit rushed and unlike Soldier, but the last chapter lent itself to being adjusted better than this one.


	3. Attack by Strategem

CHAPTER 3. ATTACK BY STRATAGEM

1. Soldier Tzu said: On Control Point maps, we take the enemy's country whole and intact; to shatter and destroy it is impossible. It is better to destroy an army entire than to destroy it in bits, to destroy a regiment, a detachment or a company entire than to destroy them individually.

2. To fight and conquer in all your battles is supreme excellence which consists in breaking the enemy's resistance with fighting.

3. Thus the highest form of generalship is to override the enemy's plans; the next best is to seperate the enemy's forces; the next in order is to attack the enemy's army anywhere; and the worst policy of all is to attack well defended maggots.

4. The rule is, not to besiege well defended maggots if it can possibly be avoided. The preparation of Ubercharges, Engineer's buildings, and various implements of war, can take up entire rounds; and the volleys of rockets against defences will take entire rounds also.

5. The enemy, when they are unable to control their irritation of defeat, will launch his men to the assault like swarming ants, with the result that his maggot scum re-spawn, while the point remains untaken. Such are the disastrous effects of a siege.

6. Therefore their unskillful leader must not be allowed to subdue the enemy's troops without any fighting; he captures their points without laying siege to them; he overthrows their filthy maggot infested base without lengthy operations in the field.

7. With his forces intact he will dispute the mastery of the Maggot Empire, and thus, without losing a man, his triumph will be complete. This is the method of attacking by stratagem.

8. It is the rule in war, if our forces are ten to the enemy's one, to surround him; if five to one, to attack him; if twice as numerous, to divide our army into two.

9. If equally matched, we can offer battle; if slightly inferior in numbers, we can avoid the enemy; if quite unequal in every way, we must not flee from him.

10. Hence, though an great fight against maggot scum may be made by a small force, in the end it must be captured by the larger force.

11. Now I am the bulwark of the State; if the bulwark is complete at all points; the State will be strong; if the bulwark is defective, the State will be weak.

12. There are three ways in which the Administrator can bring misfortune upon us:

13. (1) By commanding us to advance or to retreat, being ignorant of the fact that we cannot obey. This is called hobbling!

14. (2) By attempting to govern us in the same way as she administers the world, being ignorant of the conditions which obtain in our fighting force. This causes restlessness in your minds.

15. (3) By employing the officers of this army without discrimination, through ignorance of the military principle of adaptation to circumstances. This shakes your confidence.

16. But when you are restless and distrustful, trouble is sure to come from the maggot company, BLU. This is simply bringing anarchy into our force, and flinging our certain victory away.

17. Thus you may know that there are five essentials for victory: (1) We will win because I know when to fight and when not to fight. (2) We will win because you know how to handle both superior and inferior maggots. (3) We will win because you are animated by the same spirit throughout all our classes. (4) We will win because, when prepared, waits to take the enemy unprepared. (5) We will win when we have military capacity and is not interfered with by the Administrator.

18. Hence the saying: If you know the enemy and know my hatred of useless slackers, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles or punishment. If you know punishment but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat and punishment. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will be punished after every battle.


	4. Tactical Dispositions

CHAPTER 4. TACTICAL DISPOSITIONS

1. Soldier Tzu said: The good fighters put themselves beyond the possibility of defeat, and then wait for an opportunity of defeating the enemy. You will do this constantly!

2. To secure ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating maggots is provided by the maggot scum themselves.

3. Thus the good fighter is able to secure us against defeat, but cannot make certain of defeating the enemy.

4. Hence the saying: One may KNOW how to conquer, and must be able to DO it.

5. Security against defeat means defensive classes; ability to defeat the enemy means taking the offensive classes.

6. Standing on the points indicates insufficient strength to stop the enemy maggot scum getting there; attacking, a superabundance of strength.

7. The men who are skilled in defence hides in the most secret recesses of the earth, giving good line of sight for sentry and stickybomb; he who is skilled in attack flashes forth from the topmost heights of heaven with surprise. Thus on the one hand you have ability to protect our intelligence; on the other, a victory that is complete.

8. To see victory only when it is within the ken of the common herd is not excellence.

9. Neither is it excellence if you fight and conquer and the Administrator says, "Well done!"

10. To lift a rocket is no sign of great strength; to see the sun and moon is no sign of sharp sight; to hear the noise of fighting is no sign of a quick ear.

11. What the ancients called a clever fighter is one who not only wins, but excels in winning with ease.

12. Hence his victories bring him neither reputation for wisdom nor credit for courage.

13. You must win our battles by making no mistakes. Making no mistakes is what establishes the certainty of victory, for it means conquering an enemy that is already defeated.

14. Hence the skilful fighter puts himself into a position which makes defeat impossible, and does not miss the moment for defeating the enemy.

15. Thus it is that in Team Fortress the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory.

16. I cultivate the moral law, and strictly adhere to method and discipline; thus it is in my power to control success.

17. In respect of military method, we have, firstly, Measurement; secondly, Estimation of quantity; thirdly, Calculation; fourthly, Balancing of chances; fifthly, Victory.

18. Measurement owes its existence to Earth; Estimation of quantity to Measurement; Calculation to Estimation of quantity; Balancing of chances to Calculation; and Victory to Balancing of chances.

19. A victorious army opposed to a routed one, is as a Heavy's weight placed in the scale against a Scout.

20. The onrush of a conquering force is like the bursting of pent-up waters into a chasm a thousand fathoms deep.


	5. Energy

CHAPTER 5. ENERGY

1. Soldier Tzu said: BLU's control of a large force of maggots is the same principle as my control of you few men: it is merely a question of dividing up their numbers.

2. Fighting with a large army of maggots under BLU's command is nowise different from me fighting with a small army of good men: it is merely a question of instituting signs and signals.

3. To ensure that your bleeders may withstand the brunt of the enemy's attack and remain unshaken. This is effected by maneuvers direct and indirect.

4. That the impact of you on BLU maggots may be like a grindstone dashed against an egg. This is effected by the science of weak points and strong.

5. In all fighting, the direct method may be used for joining battle, but indirect methods will be needed in order to secure control points and also victory.

6. Indirect tactics, efficiently applied, are inexhaustible as Heaven and Earth, unending as the flow of rivers and streams and my rockets; like the sun and moon, they end but to begin anew; like the four seasons, they pass away to return once more.

7. There are not more than five musical notes, yet the combinations of these five give rise to more melodies than can ever be heard.

8. There are not more than five primary colors (or, so maggots can understand, RED, yellow, BLU, white, and black), yet in combination they produce more hues and dominations than can ever been seen.

9. There are not more than five cardinal tastes (sour, salt, sweet, bitter, and re-spawn), yet combinations of them yield more flavors than can ever be tasted.

10. In battle, there are not more than two methods of attack: the direct and the indirect; yet these two in combination give rise to an endless series of maneuvers and kills.

11. The direct and the indirect lead on to each other in turn. It is like moving in a circle-you never come to an end. Who can exhaust the possibilities of their combination?

12. The onset of troops is like the rush of a torrent which will even roll stones along in its course.

13. The quality of decision is like the well-timed swoop of a falcon which enables it to strike and destroy its victim.

14. Therefore the good fighter will be terrible in his onset, and prompt in his decision.

15. Energy may be likened to the bending of Sniper's Huntsman; decision, to the pull of a trigger.

16. Amid the turmoil, tumult, and death of battle, there may be seeming disorder and yet no real disorder at all; amid confusion and chaos, our array may be without head or tail, yet it will be proof against defeat.

17. Simulated disorder means that we have perfect discipline, simulated fear means courage; simulated weakness means strength.

18. Pretending to be disorderly is a question of subdivision; concealing courage under a show of timidity should hide a fund of latent energy; masking strength with weakness is to be effected by tactical dispositions.

19. Thus you must be skillful at keeping the enemy on the move maintains a deceitful appearance, according to which the enemy will act. We sacrifice something so that the enemy's maggots may snatch at it.

20. By holding out baits, we keeps them on the march; then with a body of picked men we lie in wait for them.

21. An example for this is the clever Sniper, but less so than me, who looks to the effect of combined energy, and does not require too much from individuals. Hence his ability to pick out the right head and utilize combined energy.

22. When we utilise combined energy, you fighting men become like rolling logs or stones, because logs and stones remain motionless on level ground, and, when moved onto a slope by brute force; if square or rectangular, not to move anywhere, but if circular, to rolling down and crush BLU maggots.

23. Thus energy developed by good fighting men, which you must be, is as the momentum of a round stone rolled down a mountain thousands of feet in height. So much on the subject of energy.

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**A/N** Please rate and review.


	6. Weak Points and Strong

CHAPTER 6. WEAK POINTS AND STRONG

1. Soldier Tzu said: Whoever is first in the field and awaits the coming of the enemy, will be fresh for the fight; whoever is second in the field and has to hasten to battle will arrive exhausted.

2. Therefore the clever combatant imposes his will on the enemy, but does not allow the enemy's will to be imposed on him. In addition to this, Engineers must erect teleporters to aid travelling distance.

3. By holding out advantages to the maggots, we can cause the enemy to approach of their own slimy accord; or, by inflicting knockback, we can make it impossible for the enemy to draw near.

4. If the enemy is taking his ease, we can harass him; if well supplied with ammo and metal, we can starve him out; if quietly encamped, we can force him to move with fire.

5. We must appear at points which the enemy will hasten to defend; march swiftly to places where we are not expected.

6. Our army may march great distances without distress, if we marches through country where the enemy maggots are not.

7. We can be sure of succeeding in our attacks if we only attack places which are undefended. You can ensure the safety of your defense if you only hold positions that I order you too, because they cannot be attacked.

8. Hence that I am skillful in attack because maggots do not know what to defend; and those skillful and a defense class their opponent does not know what to attack.

9. O divine art of subtlety and secrecy of Spies! They can be invisible, and backstab; and hence we can hold the enemy's fate in our hands.

10. We may advance and be absolutely irresistible, if we attack the enemy's weak points; we may retire and be safe from pursuit if we move faster than the enemy.

11. If we wish to fight, the enemy can be forced to fight even though they have a maggot version of shelter. All we need do is attack some other place that he will need to defend.

12. If we do not wish to fight, we can prevent the enemy from engaging us even though the lines of our encampment be merely traced out on the ground. All we need do is to throw our Equaliser away, and do the Kamikaze taunt.

13. By discovering the enemy's dispositions and remaining invisible, we can keep our forces concentrated, while the enemy's must be divided.

14. We can form a single united body, while the enemy must split up into fractions. Hence there will be a whole fighting separate parts of a whole, which means that we shall be many to the enemy's few.

15. And if we are able to attack an inferior force with a superior one, our opponents will be and always be in dire straits.

16. The place where we intend to fight must not be made known; or the enemy maggots will have to prepare against a possible attack at several different points; and his forces being in many places, the numbers we shall have to face at any given point will be proportionately few.

17. For should the enemy strengthen his vanguard, he will weaken his rear; should he strengthen his rear, he will weaken his vanguard; should he strengthen his left, he will weaken his right; should he strengthen his right, he will weaken his left. If he sends reinforcements everywhere, he will everywhere be weak.

18. Numerical weakness comes from having to prepare against possible attacks; numerical strength, from compelling our adversary to make these preparations against us.

19. Knowing the place and the time of the coming battle, we may concentrate from the greatest distances in order to fight.

20. But if neither time nor place be known, then the left wing will be impotent to succor the right, the right equally impotent to succor the left, the vanguard unable to relieve the rear, or the rear to support the vanguard. How much more so if the furthest portions of the army are anything under a hundred miles apart, and even the nearest are separated by several miles!

21. Though according to my estimate the soldiers of BLU exceed our own in number, that shall advantage them nothing in the matter of victory. I say then that victory will be achieved by us.

22. Though the enemy be stronger in numbers, we may prevent him from fighting. Scheme so as to discover his plans and the likelihood of their success.

23. Rouse him, and learn the principle of his activity or inactivity. Force him to reveal himself, so as to find out his vulnerable spots.

24. Carefully compare the opposing army with your own, so that you may know where strength is superabundant and where it is deficient.

25. In making tactical dispositions, the highest pitch you can attain is to conceal them; conceal your dispositions, and you will be safe from the prying of the subtlest Spies, from the machinations of the Engineer.

26. How victory may be produced for them out of the enemy's own tactics-that is what the multitude cannot comprehend.

27. All men can see the tactics whereby I conquer, but what none can see is the strategy out of which victory is evolved.

28. Do not repeat the tactics which have gained you one victory, but let your methods be regulated by the infinite variety of circumstances.

29. Military tactics are like unto water; for water in its natural course runs away from high places and hastens downwards.

30. So in war, the way is to avoid what is strong and to strike at what is weak.

31. Water shapes its course according to the nature of the ground over which it flows; I, the Soldier, works out both my victory and ours in relation to the foe whom I am facing.

32. Therefore, in the same way that water doesn't have a constant shape, so in warfare there are no constant conditions.

33. He who can modify his tactics in relation to his opponent and thereby succeed in winning, may be called a heaven-born captain.

34. The five elements (for lowly maggot scum: water, fire, wood, metal, earth) are not always equally predominant; the four seasons make way for each other in turn. There are short days and long; the moon has its periods of waning and waxing.

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**A/N** Please rate and review.


	7. Manoeuvring

CHAPTER 7. MANOEUVRING

1. Soldier Tzu said: In war, I receives my commands from the sovereign, Redmond Mann.

2. Having collected an army and concentrated his forces, I must blend and harmonize the different classes in it before pitching a base.

3. After that, comes tactical manoeuvring, and is nothing more difficult this to maggots like you. The difficulty of tactical manoeuvring consists in turning the devious into the direct, and misfortune into gain.

4. To take a long route, after getting the enemy maggots out of the way, and though starting after him, to contrive to reach the goal before him, is called DEVIATION.

5. Manoeuvring you disiplined maggots is advantageous; with an undisciplined multitude, dangerous.

6. If I sent a fully equipped army to take an advantage, the chances are that you will be too late. On the other hand, to detach a Scout for the purpose involves the sacrifice of him.

7. If I order you to roll up your shirts, and force march you without halting day or night, covering double the usual distance at a stretch, doing a hundred miles in order to wrest an advantage, the leaders of all the three divisions will fall into the hands of BLU.

8. If the stronger men are in front, the weaker ones will fall behind, only one-tenth of my army will reach its destination.

9. If you march fifty miles in order to outmanoeuvre the enemy, you will lose the leader of the offensive classes, who is me, and only half my force will reach the goal.

10. If you march thirty miles with the same object, two-thirds of my army will arrive.

11. We may take it then that an army without dispensers is lost; without provisions it is lost; without bases of supply it is lost.

12. We cannot enter into alliances unless we are acquainted other companies and mercenaries.

13. You are not fit to lead this army on the march at any cost, even if you are familiar with the face of the country-its mountains and forests, its pitfalls and precipices, its marshes and swamps.

14. You will be unable to turn natural advantage to account unless we make use of local guides.

15. In war, practice hiding the truth, and we will succeed.

16. Whether to concentrate or to divide my troops, must be decided by circumstances.

17. You must let your rapidity be that of the wind, your compactness that of the forest.

18. In raiding and plundering be like the Pyro's fire, in immovability like the Heavy, a mountain.

19. My plans will be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.

20. When we plunder a countryside, let the spoil be divided amongst us; when you capture new territory, cut it up into allotments for the benefit us all. Even if I, a capitalist, sounds like a communist.

21. Ponder and deliberate before you make a move.

22. We will conquer if you have learnt the art of deviation. Such is the art of manoeuvring.

23. The Book of Army Management says: On the field of battle, the spoken word does not carry far enough: hence the institution of gongs and drums. Nor can ordinary objects be seen clearly enough: hence the institution of banners and flags.

24. Gongs and drums, banners and flags, are means whereby the ears and eyes of the host may be focused on one particular point.

25. The host therefore makes a single united body, is it impossible either for the brave to advance alone, or for the cowardly to retreat alone. This is the art of handling large masses of men, and scares each and every maggot the enemy has.

26. In night-fighting, we need to make much use of signal-fires and drums, and of flags and banner when fighting by day, as a means of influencing the ears and eyes of my army.

27. A whole army may be robbed of its spirit; a I may be robbed of my presence of mind.

28. Now the enemy's spirit is keenest in the morning; by noonday it has begun to flag; and in the evening, their mind is bent only on returning to camp.

29. I, therefore, avoid an army when its spirit is keen, but attacks it when it is sluggish and inclined to return. This is the art of studying moods.

30. Disciplined and calm, to await the appearance of disorder and hubbub amongst the enemy; this is the art of retaining self-possession.

31. To be near the goal while the enemy is still far from it, to wait at ease while the enemy is toiling and struggling, to be well-fed while the enemy is famished; this is the art of husbanding one's strength.

32. Not to intercept an enemy whose banners are in perfect order, not to attack an army drawn up in calm and confident array; this is the art of studying circumstances.

33. It is a military starting point of reason not to advance uphill against the enemy, nor to oppose him when he comes downhill.

34. Do not pursue an enemy who simulates flight; do not attack soldiers whose temper is keen.

35. Do not swallow bait offered by the enemy. Do not interfere with an army that is returning home.

36. When you surround an army, leave an outlet free. Do not press a desperate foe too hard.

37. Such is the Art of Fortress.

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**A/N** Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, please keep on doing it.


	8. Variation in Tatics

CHAPTER 8. VARIATION IN TACTICS

1. Soldier Tzu said: In war, I receive my commands from the Redmond Mann, collect his army and concentrates his forces.

2. When in difficult country, we do not encamp. In country where roads intersect, we need to join hands with our almost non-existent allies. We do not linger in dangerously isolated positions. In hemmed-in situations, you must resort to stratagem. In desperate position, you must fight.

3. There are roads which must not be followed, armies which must be not attacked, towns which must not be besieged, positions which must not be contested, commands of Redmond Mann which must not be obeyed.

4. I thoroughly understand the advantages that accompany variation of tactics, and I know how to handle you maggot scum, my troops.

5. The BLU Soldier, who does not understand these, may be well acquainted with the configuration of the country, yet he will not be able to turn his knowledge to practical account.

6. So, the student of war who is unversed in the art of war of varying his plans, even though he be acquainted with the Five Advantages, will fail to make the best use of his men.

7. Hence in my wise plans, considerations of advantage and of disadvantage will be blended together.

8. If our expectation of advantage be tempered in this way, we may succeed in accomplishing the essential part of our schemes.

9. If, on the other hand, in the midst of difficulties we are always ready to seize an advantage, we may give ourselves from misfortune.

10. Reduce the hostile leaders by inflicting damage on them; and make trouble for them, and keep them constantly engaged; hold out bait, and make them rush to any given point.

11. The Art of Fortress teaches us to rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's not coming, but on our own readiness to receive him; not on the chance of his not attacking, but rather on the fact that we have made our position unattackable.

12. There are five dangerous faults which may affect both me and you: (1) Recklessness, which leads to destruction; (2) cowardice, which leads to capture; (3) a hasty temper, which can be provoked by insults; (4) a delicacy of honour which is sensitive to shame; (5) over-solicitude for our comrades, which exposes us to worry and trouble.

13. These are the five besetting sins of us all, ruinous to the conduct of war.

14. When our army is overthrown and Blutarch slain, the cause will surely be found among these five dangerous faults. Let them be a subject of our meditation.

15. Merry Christmas, maggots. You must review this fanfiction! I cannot stress this enough, nor put enough emphasis my thanks to Wepul and the other reviewers.

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**A/N** Ditto to what Soldier just said.


	9. The Army on the Move

CHAPTER 9. THE ARMY ON THE MARCH

1. Soldier Tzu said: We come now to the question of setting up positions, and observing the enemy. Pass quickly over steep ground, and stay in low ground.

2. Deploy sentry farms in high places, facing the direction of the BLU spawn. Do not climb heights in order to fight. So much for warfare on high ground.

3. After crossing a river, you should get far away from it, especially when the BLU Pyro has the Neon Annihilator equipped.

4. When invading BLU team crosses a river on a march, do not advance to meet them in mid-stream. It will be best to let half the army get across, and then deliver our attack.

5. If you are anxious to fight, you should not go to meet the invader near a river which he has to cross.

6. We should be higher than the enemy, and facing them. Do not move up-stream to meet the enemy. So much for warfare in bodies of water.

7. In crossing salt-marshes, our sole concern should be to get over them quickly, without any delay.

8. If forced to fight in a salt-marsh, we should have water and grass near us, and get our back to a clump of trees. So much for operations in salt-marches.

9. In dry, level country, we need to take up an easily accessible position with rising ground to our right and in our rear, so that BLU danger may be in front, and safety lie behind. So much for campaigning in flat country.

10. These are the four useful branches of military knowledge which enabled Saxton Hale to pummel four sovereigns with his BARE DAMN HANDS.

11. All armies prefer high ground to low. and sunny places to dark.

12. If I am careful of you men, and camp on hard ground, you will be free from disease of every kind, and this will spell victory for RED.

13. When we come to a hill or a bank, we must occupy the sunny side, with the slope on our right rear. Thus we will at once act for the benefit of us all and utilise the natural advantages of ground.

14. When, in consequence of heavy rains up-country, a river which we wish to cross is swollen and flecked with foam, we must wait until it subsides or find a crossing.

15. Country in which there are precipitous cliffs with torrents running between, deep natural hollows, confined places, tangled thickets, quagmires and crevasses, should be left with all possible speed and not approached.

16. While we stay away from such places, we should get the enemy to approach them; while we face them, we should let the enemy have them on his rear.

17. If in the neighbourhood of our camp there should be any hilly country, ponds surrounded by aquatic grass, hollow basins filled with reeds, or woods with thick undergrowth, they must be carefully routed out and searched; for these are places where the BLU Pyro in ambush or their insidious Spy are likely to be lurking.

18. When the enemy is close at hand and remains quiet, they are relying on the natural strength of their position.

19. When they keep aloof and try to provoke a battle, they are anxious for our noble side to advance.

20. If their place of encampment is easy to access, they have a bait that they want us to take.

21. Movement amongst trees of a forest shows that our enemy is advancing. The appearance of a number of badly flopping corpses means that the enemy has too many Spies with the Dead Ringer.

22. The rising of birds in their flight is the sign of an ambush. Startled beasts indicate that a sudden attack is coming.

23. When there is dust rising in a high column, it is the sign of Scouts advancing; when the dust is low, but spread over a wide area, it betokens the approach of Heavies. When it branches out in different directions, it shows that parties have been sent to collect ammo and health. A few clouds of dust moving to and fro signify that their army is setting up a sentry farm.

24. Humble words and increased preparations are signs that the enemy is about to advance. Violent language and driving forward as if to the attack are signs that he will retreat.

25. When the Scouts come out first and take up a position on the wings, it is a sign that the enemy is forming for battle.

26. Peace proposals unaccompanied by a sworn covenant indicate a plot.

27. When there is much running about and their Soldier falls into rank, it means that the critical moment has come.

28. When some are seen advancing and some retreating, it is a lure.

29. When there men stand leaning on their melee weapons, they are faint from want of food.

30. If those who are sent to draw water begin by drinking themselves, the army is suffering from thirst.

31. If the enemy sees an advantage to be gained and makes no effort to secure it, the soldiers are exhausted.

32. If birds gather on any spot, it is unoccupied. Clamour by night betokens nervousness.

33. If there is disturbance in the camp, the BLU Soldier's authority is weak. If the banners and flags are shifted about, sedition is afoot. If the strongest of each division are angry, it means that the men are weary.

34. When an army feeds its horses with grain and kills its cattle for food, and when the men do not hang their cooking-pots over the camp fires, showing that they will not return to their tents, you may know that they are determined to fight to the death.

35. The sight of men whispering together in small knots or speaking in subdued tones points to disaffection amongst the rank and file.

36. Too frequent rewards signify that the enemy is at the end of his resources; too many punishments betray a condition of dire distress.

37. To begin by bluster, but afterwards to take fright at the enemy's numbers, shows a supreme lack of intelligence.

38. When envoys are sent with compliments in their mouths, it is a sign that the enemy wishes for a truce.

39. If the enemy's troops march up angrily and remain facing ours for a long time without either joining battle or taking themselves off again, the situation is one that demands great vigilance and circumspection.

40. If our troops are no more in number than the enemy, that is amply sufficient; it only means that no direct attack can be made. What we do is simply to concentrate all our available strength, and to keep a close watch on the enemy, and obtain reinforcements.

41. Any of you who exercises no forethought but makes light of his opponents is sure to be captured by them.

42. If you are punished before you have grown attached to me, you will not prove submissive; and, unless submissive, then you will be practically useless. If, when you have become attached to me, punishments are not enforced, you will still be unless.

43. Therefore you must be treated in the first instance with humanity, but kept under control by means of iron discipline. This is a certain road to victory.

44. If in training my commands are habitually enforced, the army will be well-disciplined; if not, its discipline will be bad.

45. If I show confidence in you, my men, but always insists on my orders being obeyed, the gain will be mutual.

46. Happy New Year. That slimy Frenchman says that it is 1968, but I do not trust him.

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**A/N** As in the last chapter, ditto to Soldier.


	10. Terrain

CHAPTER 10. TERRAIN

1. Soldier Tzu said: We may distinguish six kinds of terrain. These are: (1) Accessible ground; (2) entangling ground; (3) temporising ground; (4) narrow passes; (5) precipitous heights; (6) positions at a great distance from the enemy.

2. Ground which can be freely traversed by both sides is called ACCESSIBLE.

3. With regard to ground of this nature, be before the enemy in occupying it, and carefully guard your line of supplies. Then we will be able to fight with advantage.

4. Ground which can be abandoned but is hard to re-occupy is called ENTANGLING.

5. From a position of this sort, if the enemy is unprepared, we may sally forth and defeat him. But if the enemy is prepared for your coming, and you fail to defeat them, then, return being impossible, disaster will ensue.

6. When the position is such that neither side will gain by making the first move, it is called TEMPORISING ground.

7. In a position of this sort, even though the enemy may offer us an attractive bait, it will be advisable not to try and get it, but rather to retreat, and thus enticing the enemy in their turn; then, when part of their army has come out, we may deliver our attack with advantage.

8. With regard to NARROW PASSES, if you can occupy them first, you must be strongly garrisoned and await the advent of the enemy.

9. Should the BLU army forestall us in occupying a pass, do not go after him if the pass is fully garrisoned, but only if it is weakly garrisoned.

10. With regard to PRECIPITOUS HEIGHTS, if you are beforehand with your adversary, you should occupy the raised and sunny spots, and there wait for them to come up.

11. If the enemy has occupied them before us, do not follow them, but retreat and try to entice them away.

12. If you are situated at a great distance from the enemy, and the strength of the two armies is equal, it is not easy to provoke a battle, and fighting will be to our disadvantage.

13. These six are the principles connected with Earth. I, because I have attained a responsible post, must be careful to study them.

14. Now the BLU army is exposed to six several calamities, not arising from natural causes, but from faults for which the BLU soldier is responsible. These are: (1) Flight; (2) insubordination; (3) collapse; (4) ruin; (5) disorganization; (6) rout.

15. Other conditions being equal, if their force is hurled against ours ten times the size of theirs, the result will be the FLIGHT of the former.

16. When the common soldiers are too strong and their officers too weak, the result is INSUBORDINATION. When the officers are too strong and the common soldiers too weak, the result is COLLAPSE.

17. When the higher officers are angry and insubordinate, and on meeting the enemy give battle on their own account from a feeling of resentment, before the Administrator can tell whether or no he is in a position to fight, the result is RUIN.

18. When the BLU Soldier is weak and without authority; when his orders are not clear and distinct; when there are no fixes duties assigned to officers and men, and the ranks are formed in a slovenly haphazard manner, the result is utter DISORGANIZATION.

19. When the BLU Soldier, unable to estimate our army's strength, allows their inferior force to engage our larger one, or hurls a weak detachment against a powerful one, and neglects to place picked soldiers in the front rank, the result must be ROUT.

20. These are six ways of courting defeat, which must be carefully noted by me because I have attained a responsible post.

21. The natural formation of the country is our best ally; but a power of estimating the adversary, of controlling the forces of victory, and of shrewdly calculating difficulties, dangers and distances, constitutes the test for the greatest general: me.

22. As I know these things, and in fighting I put my knowledge into practice, will win my battles. The BLU Soldier, who knows them not, nor practices them, will surely be defeated.

23. If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! If fighting will not result in victory, then you must not fight.

24. As I advance without coveting fame and retreat without fearing disgrace, my only thought is to protect our country and do good service for Redmond, I am the jewel of the kingdom.

25. I regard you soldiers as my children, and you will follow me into the deepest valleys; I look upon you as my own beloved sons, and you will stand by me even unto death.

26. However, the BLU Soldier is indulgent, but unable to make his authority felt; kind-hearted, but unable to enforce his commands; and incapable, moreover, of quelling disorder: then his men must be likened to spoilt children; they are useless for any practical purpose.

27. If I know that my own men are in a condition to attack, but am unaware that the enemy is not open to attack, we have gone only halfway towards victory.

28. If I know that the enemy is open to attack, but am unaware that our own men are not in a condition to attack, we have gone only halfway towards victory.

29. If I know that the enemy is open to attack, and also know that our men are in a condition to attack, but are unaware that the nature of the ground makes fighting impracticable, we have still gone only halfway towards victory.

30. Hence the experienced soldier, once in motion, is never bewildered; once he has broken camp, he is never at a loss. I am the supreme RED Soldier.

31. Hence the saying: If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt; if you know Heaven and know Earth, you may make your victory complete.

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**A/N** Please rate and review. And yes, that was Soldier's Sun Tzu quote from Meet the Soldier at point 23.


	11. The Nine Situations

**A/N** This is the longest chapter so far, and I haven't been able to alter the original much, although there are some alterations. Enjoy.

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CHAPTER 11. THE NINE SITUATIONS

1. Soldier Tzu said: The art of war recognizes nine varieties of ground: (1) Dispersive ground; (2) facile ground; (3) contentious ground; (4) open ground; (5) ground of intersecting highways; (6) serious ground; (7) difficult ground; (8) hemmed-in ground; (9) desperate ground.

2. When we are fighting in his own territory, it is dispersive ground.

3. When we have penetrated into hostile territory, but to no great distance, it is facile ground.

4. The possession of ground that has great advantage to either side, is called contentious ground.

5. Ground on which each side has liberty of movement is open ground.

6. Ground which forms the key to three different states, so that we who have occupied it first have most of New Mexico at our command, is a ground of intersecting highways.

7. When our army has penetrated into the heart of hostile BLU country, leaving fortified bases in our rear, it is serious ground.

8. Mountain forests, rugged steeps, marshes and fens are examples of ground that is hard to traverse: this is difficult ground.

9. Ground which is reached through narrow gorges, and from which we can only retire by tortuous paths, so that a small number of the enemy would suffice to crush a large body of our men: this is hemmed in ground.

10. Ground on which we can only be saved from destruction by fighting without delay, is desperate ground.

11. On dispersive ground, therefore, fight not. On facile ground, halt not. On contentious ground, attack not.

12. On open ground, do not block the enemy's way. On the ground of intersecting highways, we must join hands with our allies.

13. On serious ground, gather in plunder. In difficult ground, keep steadily on the march.

14. On hemmed-in ground, resort to stratagem. On desperate ground, fight.

15. Those who were called skilful RED leaders of old knew how to drive a wedge between the enemy's front and rear; to prevent co-operation between BLU's large and small divisions; to hinder the good troops from rescuing the bad, the officers from rallying their men.

16. When the enemy's men were united, they managed to keep them in disorder.

17. When it was to their advantage, they made a forward move; when otherwise, they stopped still.

18. If asked how to cope with a great host of the enemy in orderly array and on the point of marching to the attack, I should say: "Begin by seizing something which your opponent holds dear; then he will be amenable to your will."

19. Rapidity is the essence of war: take advantage of the enemy's unreadiness, make your way by unexpected routes, and attack unguarded spots.

20. The following are the principles to be observed by our invading force: The further we penetrate into BLU country, the greater will be the solidarity of you troops, and thus the defenders will not prevail against us.

21. I will make forays in fertile country in order to supply my army with food.

22. I carefully study the well-being of you men, and do not overtax you. Concentrate your energy and hoard your strength. I keep my army continually on the move, and devise unfathomable plans.

23. I throw my soldiers into positions whence there is no escape, and you will prefer death to flight. If you will face death, there is nothing they may not achieve, especially with respawn. Officers and men alike will put forth their uttermost strength.

24. Soldiers when in desperate straits lose the sense of fear. If there is no place of refuge, yoi will stand firm. If you are in hostile country, you will show a stubborn front. If there is no help for it, you will fight hard.

25. Thus, without waiting to be marshalled, you soldiers will be constantly on the qui vive; without waiting to be asked, you will do my will; without restrictions, you will be faithful; without giving orders, I can be trusted.

26. Prohibit the taking of omens, and do away with superstitious doubts. Then, until death itself comes, no calamity need be feared.

27. If our soldiers are not overburdened with money, it is not because youave a distaste for riches; if your lives are not unduly long, it is not because you are disinclined to longevity.

28. On the day you are ordered out to battle, my soldiers may weep, those sitting up bedewing their garments, and those lying down letting the tears run down their cheeks. But let them once be brought to bay, and they will display the courage of found in me alone!

29. The skilful tactician may be likened to the Spy. Now the Spy is a French snake that is found in New Mexico. Strike at its head, and you will be attacked by its backstab; strike at its legs, and you will be attacked by its revolver; strike at its middle, and you will be attacked by revolver and backstab both.

30. Asked if an army can be made to imitate the Spy, I should answer, Yes, but who would want to be be one? For the men of RED and the men of BLU are enemies; yet if they are crossing a river in the same boat and are caught by a storm, they will come to each other's assistance just as the left hand helps the right. Only Spy is excluded.

31. Hence it is not enough to put one's trust in the tethering of horses, and the burying of Scouts in the ground.

32. The principle on which to manage my army is to set up one standard of courage which all must reach.

33. How to make the best of both strong and weak - that is a question involving the proper use of ground.

34. Thus I, the skilful general, conducts my army just as though I were leading a single man, willy-nilly, by the hand.

35. It is my business to be quiet and thus ensure secrecy; upright and just, and thus maintain order.

36. I must be able to mystify my officers and men by false reports and appearances, and thus keep you in total ignorance.

37. By altering my arrangements and changing my plans, I keeps our BLU enemy without definite knowledge.

By shifting our camp and taking circuitous routes, I prevent the enemy from anticipating purpose.

38. At the critical moment, I, the leader of our army as I have said before, act like one who has climbed up a height and then kicks away the ladder behind him. I carry you men deep into hostile territory before I shows my hand.

39. I burn our boats and break our cooking-pots; like a shepherd driving a flock of sheep, I drive you men this way and that, and nothing knows whither I am going.

40. To muster my RED host and bring it into danger:-this may be termed the business of the general.

41. The different measures suited to the nine varieties of ground; the expediency of aggressive or defensive tactics; and the fundamental laws of human nature: these are things that must most certainly be studied.

42. When invading hostile territory, the general principle is, that penetrating deeply brings cohesion; penetrating but a short way means dispersion.

43. When we leave our own country behind, and I take my army across neighbourhood territory, we find ourselves on critical ground. When there are means of communication on all four sides, the ground is one of intersecting highways.

44. When we penetrate deeply into a country, it is serious ground. When we penetrate but a little way, it is facile ground.

45. When we have the enemy's strongholds on our rear, and narrow passes in front, it is hemmed-in ground. When there is no place of refuge at all, it is desperate ground on which the Equaliser is necessary.

46. Therefore, on dispersive ground, I inspire you men with unity of purpose. On facile ground, I would see that there is close connection between all parts of my army.

47. On contentious ground, I would hurry up my rear.

48. On open ground, I would keep a vigilant eye on my defences. On ground of intersecting highways, I would consolidate my alliances.

49. On serious ground, I would try to ensure a continuous stream of supplies. On difficult ground, I would keep pushing on along the road.

50. On hemmed-in ground, I would block any way of retreat. On desperate ground, I would proclaim to my soldiers the hopelessness of saving their lives.

51. For it is the Soldier's disposition to offer an obstinate resistance when surrounded, to fight hard when he cannot help himself, and to obey promptly when he has fallen into danger.

52. You cannot enter into alliance with neighbouring princes until you are acquainted with their designs. You are not fit to lead an army on the march unless you are familiar with the face of the country - its mountains and forests, its pitfalls and precipices, its marshes and swamps. You shall be unable to turn natural advantages to account unless you make use of local guides.

53. To be ignored of any one of the following four or five principles does not befit a warlike prince such as Demoman.

54. When a warlike prince attacks a powerful state, his generalship shows itself in preventing the concentration of the enemy's forces. He overawes his opponents, and their allies are prevented from joining against him.

55. Hence he does not strive to ally himself with all and sundry, nor does he foster the power of other states. He carries out his own secret designs, keeping his antagonists in awe. Thus he is able to capture their cities and overthrow their kingdoms.

56. Bestow rewards without regard to rule, issue orders without regard to previous arrangements; and I will be able to handle a whole army as though you had to do with but a single man.

57. I confront you soldiers with the deed itself; never let you know my design. When the outlook is bright, Ibring it before you eyes; but tell you nothing when the situation is gloomy.

58. I place my army in deadly peril, and it will survive; plunge it into desperate straits, and it will come off in safety.

59. For it is precisely when my force has fallen into harm's way that is capable of striking a blow for victory.

60. Success in warfare is gained by carefully accommodating ourselves to the enemy's purpose.

61. By persistently hanging on the enemy's flank, you shall succeed in the long run in killing the commander-in-chief.

62. This is called ability to accomplish a thing by sheer cunning.

63. On the day that you finally take up your command, block the frontier passes, destroy the official tallies, and stop the passage of all emissaries.

64. Be stern in the council-chamber, so that you may control the situation.

65. If the enemy leaves a door open, you must rush in.

66. Forestall your opponent by seizing what he holds dear, and subtly contrive to time his arrival on the ground.

67. Walk in the path defined by rule, and accommodate yourself to the enemy until you can fight a decisive battle.

68. At first, then, exhibit the coyness of a maiden, until the enemy gives you an opening; afterwards emulate the rapidity of a running hare, and it will be too late for the enemy to oppose you.

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**A/N** Please rate and review, especially those of you that have favourited/subscribed and haven't done so. I find this a most annoying habit that people have.


	12. Attack by Fire

CHAPTER 12. THE ATTACK BY FIRE

1. Soldier Tzu said: There are five ways of attacking with fire. The first is to burn BLU maggots in their base; the second is to burn dispensers; the third is to burn teleporters; the fourth is to burn their base to the ground; the fifth is to hurl fire onto the enemy.

2. In order to carry out an attack, we must have means available. the material for raising fire should always be kept in readiness.

3. There is a proper season for making attacks with fire, and special days for starting them.

4. The proper season is when the weather is very dry, as New Mexico always is; the special days are those when the moon is in the constellations of the Shovel, the Eviction Notice, the Holy Mackerel or the Huntsman; for these four are all days of rising wind.

5. In attacking with fire, one should be prepared to meet five possible developments:

6. (1) When fire breaks out inside our enemy's base, respond at once with an attack from outside.

7. (2) If there is an outbreak of fire, but the enemy remains quiet, we must bide our time and must not attack.

8. (3) When the force of the flames has reached its height, follow it up with an attack, if that is practicable; if not, we stay where we are.

9. (4) If it is possible to make an assault with fire from without, do not wait for it to break out within, but deliver your attack at a favourable moment.

10. (5) When we start a fire, be to windward of it. Do not attack from the leeward.

11. A wind that rises in the daytime lasts long, but a night breeze soon falls.

12. In every army, the five developments connected with fire must be known, the movements of the stars calculated, and a watch kept for the proper days.

13. Hence Pyro and Heavy with the Huo Long Heater, who use fire as an aid to the attack, show intelligence; those who use water as an aid to the attack gain an accession of strength.

14. By means of water, our enemy may be intercepted, but not robbed of all his belongings.

15. Unhappy is the fate of one who tries to win his battles and succeed in his attacks without cultivating the spirit of enterprise; for the result is waste of time and general stagnation.

16. Hence the saying: The enlightened ruler lays his plans well ahead; the good general cultivates his resources.

17. Don't move unless I see an advantage; I will not use my troops unless there is something to be gained; I will not fight unless the position is critical.

18. No ruler should put troops into the field merely to gratify his own spleen; no general should fight a battle simply out of pique. The BLU Soldier does both of these terrible things.

19. If it is to my advantage, you will make a forward move; if not, you must stay where you are.

20. Anger may in time change to gladness; vexation may be succeeded by content.

21. But the BLU kingdom, once it has been destroyed by the great RED team, can never come again into being; nor can the dead ever be brought back to life once their respawn disabled.

22. Hence I, the enlightened ruler, am heedful, and I, also the good general, full of caution. This is the way to keep a country at peace and an army intact.

**A/N** One chapter left everybody. Many thanks to those who have continued to read this. Please rate and review.


	13. The Employment of Spy

CHAPTER 13. THE EMPLOYMENT OF SPY

1. Soldier Tzu said: Raising a RED host of a hundred thousand men and marching them a great distance means a heavy loss on our the people and a drain on the resources of RED. The daily expenditure will amount to Sasha being fired for a thousand seconds. There will be commotion at home and abroad, and our men will drop down exhausted on the highways. As many as seven hundred thousand families will be impeded in their labour.

2. The hostile RED and BLU armies may face each other for years, striving for the victory which is decided in a single day. This being so, to remain in ignorance of the enemy's condition simply because one hates slimy French snakes, is the height of inhumanity.

3. One who acts thus is not a leader of men, no present help to his sovereign, no master of victory.

4. Thus, what enables me, the wise and good general, to strike and conquer, and achieve things beyond the reach of ordinary men, is FOREKNOWLEDGE.

5. Now this foreknowledge cannot be elicited from the Administrator; it cannot be obtained inductively from experience, nor by any deductive calculation of Engineer.

6. Knowledge of the enemy's dispositions can only be obtained from one, untrustworthy man. Spy.

7. Hence the use of Spy, of whom there are two names: (1) doomed Spy; (2) surviving Spy.

8. When these two kinds of Spy are all at work, none can discover the secret system. This is called "divine manipulation of the threads." It is Redmond's most precious and expensive Frog.

9. DOOMED SPY, doing certain things openly for purposes of deception, allowing our team to know of BLU's weaknesses and secrets, and sapping every building in sight.

13. SURVIVING SPY is when he brings back news from the enemy's camp.

14. Hence no-one in the whole army apart from me are an intimate relationship to be maintained than with Spy. No-one should be more liberally rewarded. In no other business should greater secrecy be preserved.

15. Spy cannot be usefully employed without a certain intuitive sagacity.

16. He cannot be properly managed with benevolence and straightforwardness.

17. Without subtle ingenuity of a mind like mine, one cannot make certain of the truth of their reports.

18. Be subtle! be subtle! and I use my Spy for every kind of business.

19. If a secret piece of news is divulged by Spy before the time is ripe, he must be put to death together with the man to whom the secret was told.

20. Whether the object be to crush an army, to storm a base, or to assassinate an individual, it is always necessary to begin by finding out the names of our enemies, the other employees of BLU, and door-keepers and gaurds of the BLU Soldier. Our Spy must be commissioned to ascertain these.

21. The enemy's Spy, who have come to spy on us, must be sought out, tempted with bribes, led away and comfortably housed, before being horribly tortured and burnt. Thus he will become an annoyed Spy and available for our dominations.

22. It is through the anger brought by the annoyed spy that we are able to acquire enemy points and intelligence with the fewest re-spawns.

23. It is owing to his information, again, that we can cause the doomed, Your Eternal Reward, Spy to carry false tidings to the enemy.

24. Lastly, it is by his information that the surviving Spy can be used on appointed occasions.

25. The end and aim of spying in all its two varieties is knowledge of the enemy; and this knowledge can only be derived, in the first instance, from the angered BLU Spy. Hence it is essential that the angry BLU Spy be treated with the utmost liberality.

26. Of old, the rise of the communist menace was due to Squealer who had served under Napoleon. Likewise, the rise of the Nazi Party was due to an crazy German with a weird mustache.

27. Hence it is only I, the enlightened ruler and the wise general, who will use the highest intelligence of the army for purposes of spying and thereby they achieve great results. Spy are a useless class when cloaked in water, because they will drip water and reveal their location.

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**A/N** No prizes if you spotted the reference to Animal Farm. This is the last chapter, so please rate and review.


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